All this sounds like some stupid teen angst post, about how %u2018no one understands the real me%u2019, I don%u2019t think that%u2019s true. I think that almost everyone has done what I%u2019m doing now - lay in bed, kept awake by feelings of fear or confusion, and looked for a way to reach out and express the feelings inside. I think all we want to do is reach out and really feel like someone is listening, actually understanding what we feel. The hardest thing to do is work all the feeling out all alone. This is where I failed.

For me, the emotions felt overwhelming and inexpressible. They weren%u2019t. I went through two periods of drinking at least 3 times a week, and at least once a week heavily. I got into fights. I took risks. I put myself in a hospital. I%u2019ve even done things that I still can%u2019t talk about.

Long and painful story short, my life found me the next morning hugging my knees on the cold floor of the common room, by the refrigerator. All the bad feelings I had been hiding from the past 5 years caught up to me. I was so afraid that I felt I had only 2 options: run as far away as you can, or end the pain. I actually started to pack to leave. I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, The license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, But I thought "Nah forget it, Yo homes to Bel Air." I pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabby "Yo homes, smell ya later." Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.

You want to know about my thumb do you boy? Intrigue you does it boy? My thumb? Lemme tell you about it. I come from a long line of hitchhikers. All with bleedin%u2019 massive thumbs. You see the thumb is a tremendous boon to the hitchhiker, helps with work, you know what I mean? Only problem was, when I was a child, My thumb was tiny, Not just tiny like a single sugar puff, DISGUSTING, even me own mother would reel back in horror, like an anaconda. OOOOHHH WHAT IS IT!? GET IT OUT OF HERE, IT%u2019S TINY, IT%u2019S HORRIBLE, IT%u2019S REVOLTING, TAKE THAT TINY THUMB AND GET OUT OF HERE, AND NEVER DARKEN MY DOOR AGAIN! She%u2019d say

I had to leave the family unit, In search of a miracle. I wandered the streets, looking for the answer, and people told me of a magic shaman. Part man, part hornet, so I went looking for him. I went everywhere, I combed the universe, In search of the stripy insect shaman. Turns out he was in the local primary school, In the bin, reeling about with the apple cores, Like they do. And I stood there, with my thumb out, and he stung it. HE STUNG IT, HE GRABBED ON TO IT, IT WAS LIKE HE WAS MAKING LOVE TO IT WITH HIS STNG, IN AND OUT, IN AND OUT, MORE AND MORE, OOOHHH THE PUS, THE PAIN, THE BLACK VOODOO, THE WET JIGSAW PUZZLE, I DIDN%u2019T KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING. OOOOHH FOR DAYS I WAS IN A TRANCE, AND WHEN I CAME TO, THERE IT WAS, LIKE A FLESHY MARRACCA. A THUMB OF GIGANTIC PROPORTION. A MIRACLE I SAID, A MIRACLE, YOU%u2019RE A TRUE WIZARD, HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YA?

And he said to me, %u2018five hundred euros%u2019. FIVE HUNDRED EUROS!? YOU WON%u2019T SEE PENNY ONE FROM ME YOU SLAG! AND AS I RAISED MY THUMB UP, TO SMASH HIS TINY SKULL IN, I COULD SEE IN HIS LITTLE INSECT FACE, I COULD SEE HIM THINKING, OOOOHHH I CREATED THAT MONSTER, I CREATED THAT THUMB, AND NOW IT%u2019S KILLING ME, MY OWN BEASTY CREATION, KILLING ME DEAD. The sweet irony. I think he was saying that, although it was a long time ago, and in hindsight, he could of just been shitting himself.

Sup fags? WUTS GOIN ON IN HURR?!

HI%u2026 I%u2019M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN%u2019S WEARHOUSE. LAST NIGHT I UNSHEATHED MY MUNGO MAN SPOUT FROM MY JEANS AND FLOPPED IT DOWN IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER - YOUR SENILE DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBOUR TAPPED AT HER CEILING BECAUSE OF THE CLAMOR. YOUR MOM WAS BARELY ABLE TO NIBBLE AT MY PLUMP, PRODIGIOUS MEMBER BEFORE I GRABBED IT LIKE A LASSO AND SMACKED HER ACROSS THE FACE SO HARD SHE FLEW, SPINNING, ONTO THE BED BENT OVER - AWAITING THE ADMISSION OF MY THROBBING ACREAGE OF FLESH. SHE COULD ONLY TAKE 30 SECONDS OF HALF MY SCROTAL CAMEL BEFORE SHE FAINTED. I FINISHED UP AND BESTOWED A STUNNING LIKENESS OF THE POPE ON HER BACK IN BABY SPACKLE. I USED HER TOOTH BRUSH AS TOILET PAPER AND LEFT A QUARTER ON HER ASS. SHE CALLED ME FOUR TIMES TODAY. I GUARANTEE IT

HI%u2026 I%u2019M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN%u2019S WEARHOUSE. LAST NIGHT I UNSHEATHED MY MUNGO MAN SPOUT FROM MY JEANS AND FLOPPED IT DOWN IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER - YOUR SENILE DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBOUR TAPPED AT HER CEILING BECAUSE OF THE CLAMOR. YOUR MOM WAS BARELY ABLE TO NIBBLE AT MY PLUMP, PRODIGIOUS MEMBER BEFORE I GRABBED IT LIKE A LASSO AND SMACKED HER ACROSS THE FACE SO HARD SHE FLEW, SPINNING, ONTO THE BED BENT OVER - AWAITING THE ADMISSION OF MY THROBBING ACREAGE OF FLESH. SHE COULD ONLY TAKE 30 SECONDS OF HALF MY SCROTAL CAMEL BEFORE SHE FAINTED. I FINISHED UP AND BESTOWED A STUNNING LIKENESS OF THE POPE ON HER BACK IN BABY SPACKLE. I USED HER TOOTH BRUSH AS TOILET PAPER AND LEFT A QUARTER ON HER ASS. SHE CALLED ME FOUR TIMES TODAY. I GUARANTEE IT